his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
