A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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