even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
