she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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