you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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