She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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