Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
