i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
