how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
