Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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