You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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