Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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