I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
