I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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