i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize