How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
