I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
