Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
