the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
