Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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