R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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