and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
