If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
