you thought your balls were fighting each other...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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