Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
