I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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