So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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