What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
