My girlfriend figured out who you are.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
