mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hippo gnu deer
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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