I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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