Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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