Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
