What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
