Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
