The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
