there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
