I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
