Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
