if you like me you must not know who I am
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
