Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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