Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
