so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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