Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
