woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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