Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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