You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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