just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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