I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
