Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
is that a dick in a sweater?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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