Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
