As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
