you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
