I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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