Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
