dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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