I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
