Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
