shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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