Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize