every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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